Tag Archives: relationships

The Mating Game!

Spring has started springing and we all know what that means. An extra friskiness is in the air and many of us start to think about Mr/Ms Right (or Right Now) and the ol’ rollercoaster of ups and downs, of triumphs and heartbreaks is all poised to hit full speed once more. I know of several friends already well into the cycle, bless them!

Now there are two excellent ways to make sure that this is a ride you can thrill to, and after which you will remain injury free and tingling.

May I share them with you?

Strategy #1 is the simplest. Make a decision, just before you get on the ride, that you are going to enjoy every moment, even the moments you think you are going to die. If this seems like a tough thing to learn to do, fast forward in your mind to the last moment you spend here on Earth and think, as you look back, how beautiful and precious ALL those intense moments were. Seemingly good or seemingly bad, you LIVED those rollercoaster situations and the bitter and the sweet were all part of being so gloriously, feelingly, vulnerably ALIVE! With that perspective you can really treasure every part of whatever situation you get into.

Strategy #2 may be used in conjunction with #1, and it is about remembering, whatever role you choose in any given moment of the game, exactly who has the power and who is the worthwhile prize here! (Yes, it is you!) So… this strategy consists of first reminding yourself that “Perception is Projection”. Meaning it is impossible for you to notice anything great about your lover without that thing being already in you. In fact, you can go one step further and acknowledge that all those wonderful feelings that you experience(d) in any given relationship are feelings that YOU bring to the party, not gifts from that special someone. Feeling beautiful? Your lover is simply showing you the beauty of you, a beauty that stays there regardless of relationships.

At the same time, anything that you were particularly feeling had to come from someone else – approval and being “good enough” or “attractive enough” are the top faves in the perennial chart – can now be something that you consciously pour into yourself, rather than seeking them outside. Stand in front of the mirror, tell yourself how goddam sexy, wonderful, worthwhile you are. Cradle yourself gently. Treat yourself as the most precious person on the planet!

When you need nothing from your new playmate or partner, then you can really start to enjoy love (in all its forms) for the first time.

Kissing Yourself Better

There’s a game we play with our children. Little Johnny or Janice fall and hurt themselves and we give them a kiss and “make it all better”. It’s a good game and a piece of magic, because the kiss/hug does, indeed, make it better. The game is that the parent is turning off the pain, but in fact it is the child who is learning to do that, giving themselves permission not to mind, not to feel bad/hurt, at a set signal.

Pain is not painful, after all, it is… only a message: and that message can be switched off when we don’t think we need it any more.

The game is only for children, though. Continue reading Kissing Yourself Better

Taking Away The Price Tags in Relationships!

Where to start as you redesign the energy weave that creates the illusion of your universe? As you change shapes and meanings and find that your own light and all the other lights strung out perfectly as far as can be seen shine brighter now.

One good place can be in your relationships, your interactions with those others.

Think about the “hook” you are carrying around to find friends and lovers and enemies and all the other characters of your internal, non-existent drama. Think about the invisible “you scratch my back and I will scratch yours” element to your internal model, the “script” (in psychologist jargon) that your unconscious wanted to play out as it fits together with others’ internal models.
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“If you do xyz I will know that I can trust you”

“I used to love you but then you did that thing and it meant I couldn’t love you anymore”

“As long as you don’t hurt me I will be your friend”

Etc.

Continue reading Taking Away The Price Tags in Relationships!