Tag Archives: influence

See You When We’re There!

From time to time I have clients who have decided to move on from a drug or alcohol habit, or some other self-negating thing. And they often say, “It’s so hard, because when I go around to X’s house(/down the pub), they all still want to do that, but I don’t want to be in that atmosphere anymore.”

Which is a no-brainer. “So don’t be in that atmosphere.” Continue reading See You When We’re There!

Got Any ID Mate?

Sometime in the last few days I heard a radio interview with a man who had served over forty years in solitary confinement in the US prison system, a man who still seemed to have all his marbles despite only leaving his tiny cell for an hour a day during that time. (Bear in mind that Amnesty International regard more than two weeks in ‘solitary’ as torture and likely to affect mental health). When asked how he managed to get through that unimaginable and inhumane period, the man first mentioned that being one of the Black Panther movement, seeing himself as a dedicated Black Panther activist, was key. Continue reading Got Any ID Mate?

The Mating Game!

Spring has started springing and we all know what that means. An extra friskiness is in the air and many of us start to think about Mr/Ms Right (or Right Now) and the ol’ rollercoaster of ups and downs, of triumphs and heartbreaks is all poised to hit full speed once more. I know of several friends already well into the cycle, bless them!

Now there are two excellent ways to make sure that this is a ride you can thrill to, and after which you will remain injury free and tingling.

May I share them with you?

Strategy #1 is the simplest. Make a decision, just before you get on the ride, that you are going to enjoy every moment, even the moments you think you are going to die. If this seems like a tough thing to learn to do, fast forward in your mind to the last moment you spend here on Earth and think, as you look back, how beautiful and precious ALL those intense moments were. Seemingly good or seemingly bad, you LIVED those rollercoaster situations and the bitter and the sweet were all part of being so gloriously, feelingly, vulnerably ALIVE! With that perspective you can really treasure every part of whatever situation you get into.

Strategy #2 may be used in conjunction with #1, and it is about remembering, whatever role you choose in any given moment of the game, exactly who has the power and who is the worthwhile prize here! (Yes, it is you!) So… this strategy consists of first reminding yourself that “Perception is Projection”. Meaning it is impossible for you to notice anything great about your lover without that thing being already in you. In fact, you can go one step further and acknowledge that all those wonderful feelings that you experience(d) in any given relationship are feelings that YOU bring to the party, not gifts from that special someone. Feeling beautiful? Your lover is simply showing you the beauty of you, a beauty that stays there regardless of relationships.

At the same time, anything that you were particularly feeling had to come from someone else – approval and being “good enough” or “attractive enough” are the top faves in the perennial chart – can now be something that you consciously pour into yourself, rather than seeking them outside. Stand in front of the mirror, tell yourself how goddam sexy, wonderful, worthwhile you are. Cradle yourself gently. Treat yourself as the most precious person on the planet!

When you need nothing from your new playmate or partner, then you can really start to enjoy love (in all its forms) for the first time.

Damn it! (Or, alternatively, Bless It!)

Life coaches and gurus of various types will often advise you to “act as if” in order to manifest your deepest desires. There are all kinds of good reasons to “act as if” and one of them is that doing this draws other people into the game. We all learnt this at an early age: whether your fellow child went into doctor mode or cowboy or superhero or hairdresser/beauty consultant, the invitation and compulsion was there to play a corresponding role… and we carried right on as adults. Just put on a white coat, or a clerical collar, or a high-viz coat or carry a clipboard, or alternatively step out of a limo wearing Versace at the Oscars, and people will start to play along, even if they are not sure of the game yet.

Continue reading Damn it! (Or, alternatively, Bless It!)

If You Borrowed It, Then Give it Back! (In the name of all that is sacred)

Quite often, sometime deep into a session, a client who has come to me with a recurring behaviour or a set of feelings or some other part of their life weighing them down, will turn to me in a moment of bright-eyed discovery and say “Hey! I see now! This does not belong to me!”. It happened recently with someone who had felt burdened by something all his life and then discovered it was not his burden: it had come from one of his parents and he had never thought to set it down.

Continue reading If You Borrowed It, Then Give it Back! (In the name of all that is sacred)