Tag Archives: dating

The Mating Game!

Spring has started springing and we all know what that means. An extra friskiness is in the air and many of us start to think about Mr/Ms Right (or Right Now) and the ol’ rollercoaster of ups and downs, of triumphs and heartbreaks is all poised to hit full speed once more. I know of several friends already well into the cycle, bless them!

Now there are two excellent ways to make sure that this is a ride you can thrill to, and after which you will remain injury free and tingling.

May I share them with you?

Strategy #1 is the simplest. Make a decision, just before you get on the ride, that you are going to enjoy every moment, even the moments you think you are going to die. If this seems like a tough thing to learn to do, fast forward in your mind to the last moment you spend here on Earth and think, as you look back, how beautiful and precious ALL those intense moments were. Seemingly good or seemingly bad, you LIVED those rollercoaster situations and the bitter and the sweet were all part of being so gloriously, feelingly, vulnerably ALIVE! With that perspective you can really treasure every part of whatever situation you get into.

Strategy #2 may be used in conjunction with #1, and it is about remembering, whatever role you choose in any given moment of the game, exactly who has the power and who is the worthwhile prize here! (Yes, it is you!) So… this strategy consists of first reminding yourself that “Perception is Projection”. Meaning it is impossible for you to notice anything great about your lover without that thing being already in you. In fact, you can go one step further and acknowledge that all those wonderful feelings that you experience(d) in any given relationship are feelings that YOU bring to the party, not gifts from that special someone. Feeling beautiful? Your lover is simply showing you the beauty of you, a beauty that stays there regardless of relationships.

At the same time, anything that you were particularly feeling had to come from someone else – approval and being “good enough” or “attractive enough” are the top faves in the perennial chart – can now be something that you consciously pour into yourself, rather than seeking them outside. Stand in front of the mirror, tell yourself how goddam sexy, wonderful, worthwhile you are. Cradle yourself gently. Treat yourself as the most precious person on the planet!

When you need nothing from your new playmate or partner, then you can really start to enjoy love (in all its forms) for the first time.

Bespoke Breakthrough Coaching Days

Stop Press!

I get more and more clients being fascinated by the techniques and tools I use and who are hungry to learn more and to have a new toolbox themselves to use in many areas of life.  As a result, I am now offering the chance to spend a full day with me 1-2-1, a bespoke day shaped to whatever you want to learn, to the changes you want to make, to the results you want to get. A totally unlimited and transformational day, with much laughter along the way. Continue reading Bespoke Breakthrough Coaching Days

Pushing Magic Buttons

With my youngest children entering teen years, I recently joined a dating site. Typical kind of thing, a series of questions to answer to help potential suitors tune into your world and see if you are possibly “the one” or a close enough approximation.

However, many of the answers didn’t really give me enough of a clue. For example, under the question “What makes you laugh?” many people had written “Jokes” or “Funny stuff”. And under the question, “What do you like doing?” some had put “Having fun.” Or “Having a laugh”. Continue reading Pushing Magic Buttons

Taking Away The Price Tags in Relationships!

Where to start as you redesign the energy weave that creates the illusion of your universe? As you change shapes and meanings and find that your own light and all the other lights strung out perfectly as far as can be seen shine brighter now.

One good place can be in your relationships, your interactions with those others.

Think about the “hook” you are carrying around to find friends and lovers and enemies and all the other characters of your internal, non-existent drama. Think about the invisible “you scratch my back and I will scratch yours” element to your internal model, the “script” (in psychologist jargon) that your unconscious wanted to play out as it fits together with others’ internal models.
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“If you do xyz I will know that I can trust you”

“I used to love you but then you did that thing and it meant I couldn’t love you anymore”

“As long as you don’t hurt me I will be your friend”

Etc.

Continue reading Taking Away The Price Tags in Relationships!

Girl meets boy meets girl meets….

Have you ever played a game of Monopoly where you lost concentration for a moment while somebody shook the dice and then it was going to be your go (or someone else’s) but then you FELT something in the air and had a double check and found that that other player had landed on your hotel and you managed to scream “Rent!” before anything else could happen?

Or what about that attractive girl in a bar, and a man approaches, and she knows before he has uttered a syllable that she is not interested. Even if he works out and he dresses ok and is perfectly good-looking and all the other boxes the guy might think he ticked. She knows as surely as you and I know we are going to put the phone down on a cold sales call with just the first intake of breath at the other end.

How does she know? How do we know?

Continue reading Girl meets boy meets girl meets….