Tag Archives: anxiety

The Other Side of The Fence!

When I was at school, we did a thing in maths called (at that point) “linear programming”. In this task we drew the axes of a graph and then had a problem to solve using lines that we produced on that graph. E.g. maybe we had to plan a birthday party where the budget, number of people, entertainments, catering etc. had to be planned on the graph so we could work out what was possible. Maybe the problem would tell us that we had to have an even number between 20 and 26 of party guests. Maybe the maximum budget was x amount. Maybe the clown cost £40 and if we wanted to add a musician it would be another £30. Each piece of information became a line on the graph, and then at the end, in the middle of the graph, would be an area fenced in by lines of what was possible.

Your beliefs are just like those lines.

Each belief you have – and remember, you may not even be consciously aware of all your beliefs – is like a line or a fence: one side represents what you regard as possible, the other side is impossible and therefore ignored.

EVERYTHING you do has beliefs attached, by the way: beliefs about the universe, about people in general and especially about how you fit into that picture with your own talents, values, identity… And so a person ends up looking at a small area, hemmed in by beliefs, of what is possible for them at that point in their lives.

You were NOT born with these beliefs. Not with any of them. You were unlimited.

And then, one by one, either borrowed from the significant adults around you, or from personal experiences, and most of all from the hero/heroine character that you developed for your story, these lines or fences appeared in your inner world and you accepted that the space inside the fences was where your life had to be lived.

(So many people come to me and say they feel “stuck” and all they can see are those fences hemming them in)

So, what would happen if you take back ownership of your fences, of your beliefs, and decided they are yours to place where you want?

Beliefs are changing all the time of course. Each time a sports feat is achieved, a new mountain ascent is managed, something previously thought impossible is conquered, then all the people in those fields move their internal fences a little further out and re-assess what they personally might be able to do. And suddenly there is a rush of achievement.

But it can be much much quicker than that. If there is a fence, a belief that was limiting you until now, simply re-write your hero’s characteristics to change that. You could do this easily by finding someone on this planet who has already moved back or removed entirely that particular internal fence, and borrow some of their characteristics, act just like them. Failing this, simply start to surf your imagination. Dream the dream of the person who no longer has that restricting belief. Make the dream bright, vivid, compelling. Water it daily as you trance out in the way you do on so many occasions.

I said above that you were born with no beliefs, but maybe there WAS one that informed that first period of rapid learning and exploration and maybe that belief was “anything is possible”

This message has been sponsored by Unlimited You! (Fence demolitions carried out, no job too large)

 

ANXIETY! (A behaviour to unlearn easily)

Imagine you have a friend, and that they like going to the movies. And like all of us, when they are in that movie theatre/cinema, deeply in the trance of what they are viewing and listening to, there will be times when they laugh, times when they cry, times when they smile with recognition, times that they relax and times that they tense up. All this is normal. We know how to make our bodies change heart rate, blood pressure, chemistry and every other aspect imaginable whilst we watch a movie. We are experts.

Continue reading ANXIETY! (A behaviour to unlearn easily)

Isn’t It GREAT When Things Are Completely F***ed?!

Right about now there is lots of consternation, because things seem to be well and truly f***ed.

(I’m putting asterisks in there for the people who still believe that there is something shocking about an Anglo-Saxon word and not about a Greek/Latin derived one meaning the same thing: what deep hypnosis is that!)

Trump, Farage (rhymes with garage), Brexit, Putin, Syria, Bakeoff…. It would be easy to think that everything was falling apart.

And how great is that!

Continue reading Isn’t It GREAT When Things Are Completely F***ed?!

Hit Me Baby…One More Time

On my flyers listing the areas in which I help people change their lives, one item is “Addictions”… but to be honest, I could pretty much cut out the rest of the list and use that as a heading for EVERYTHING I do, for the good people who come to me are, almost without exception, addicted to one pattern of behaviour, one set of feelings, and wanting to be free from that tyranny. Free to choose. Free to take the path they really want. Free to have …something new.

“Oh but come on, mate, that’s not a proper addiction, is it?” I hear you cry. “I mean, it’s not a physical thing like alcohol addiction” Continue reading Hit Me Baby…One More Time

Safe Combinations

Safe. You love to feel safe. And even when you choose to feel unsafe, you like to have your safe word, your emergency button, your get-out.

Many of my clients come to me and make a decision as to whether they can feel safe. They know when they are safe because of a feeling they get.

When you get the feeling of being safe, where is that feeling? Can you remember?

As a child you maybe played the game of not walking on the cracks in the pavement, so that the bears didn’t come up to grab you. You decided that if you avoided the cracks you were safe (although the thrill of the possibility of not being safe added to that pleasure). What have you replaced the pavement cracks with now in your safe/not safe game?

Do you only allow yourself to feel safe if the door is double locked? Or if your passwords are encrypted? Or if you are carrying your personal alarm?

In a wider sense, has avoiding the cracks been replaced with having nuclear weapons or a large military presence? With keeping out immigrants? With avoiding public transport? With keeping to “your own kind”? With striking before non-safety has even occurred, removing someone else’s safety so you can have yours?

Let’s go back to the bears and the cracks. And remember how you could stop playing that game in an eyeblink. You didn’t do it by walling yourself away from all pavement cracks, by double locks, by persuading your parents to buy up all paving stones and send them abroad, by cementing them all in so the bears were stuck. You just switched it off and decided to be safe. And you knew how to do that.

The “safe” game takes place in only one location (though its symptoms can be everywhere and sometimes quite horrible). That location is inside you. And all you have to do – your child self remembers – to be safe is to allow yourself to shine. Follow your passions. Be kind to yourself. Be true to your instincts. Stop squeezing little parts of you into the role of the cracks.

Feel safe right now. Where is that feeling? It is yours when you want it