Tag Archives: achieving greater success

The Mating Game!

Spring has started springing and we all know what that means. An extra friskiness is in the air and many of us start to think about Mr/Ms Right (or Right Now) and the ol’ rollercoaster of ups and downs, of triumphs and heartbreaks is all poised to hit full speed once more. I know of several friends already well into the cycle, bless them!

Now there are two excellent ways to make sure that this is a ride you can thrill to, and after which you will remain injury free and tingling.

May I share them with you?

Strategy #1 is the simplest. Make a decision, just before you get on the ride, that you are going to enjoy every moment, even the moments you think you are going to die. If this seems like a tough thing to learn to do, fast forward in your mind to the last moment you spend here on Earth and think, as you look back, how beautiful and precious ALL those intense moments were. Seemingly good or seemingly bad, you LIVED those rollercoaster situations and the bitter and the sweet were all part of being so gloriously, feelingly, vulnerably ALIVE! With that perspective you can really treasure every part of whatever situation you get into.

Strategy #2 may be used in conjunction with #1, and it is about remembering, whatever role you choose in any given moment of the game, exactly who has the power and who is the worthwhile prize here! (Yes, it is you!) So… this strategy consists of first reminding yourself that “Perception is Projection”. Meaning it is impossible for you to notice anything great about your lover without that thing being already in you. In fact, you can go one step further and acknowledge that all those wonderful feelings that you experience(d) in any given relationship are feelings that YOU bring to the party, not gifts from that special someone. Feeling beautiful? Your lover is simply showing you the beauty of you, a beauty that stays there regardless of relationships.

At the same time, anything that you were particularly feeling had to come from someone else – approval and being “good enough” or “attractive enough” are the top faves in the perennial chart – can now be something that you consciously pour into yourself, rather than seeking them outside. Stand in front of the mirror, tell yourself how goddam sexy, wonderful, worthwhile you are. Cradle yourself gently. Treat yourself as the most precious person on the planet!

When you need nothing from your new playmate or partner, then you can really start to enjoy love (in all its forms) for the first time.

Damn it! (Or, alternatively, Bless It!)

Life coaches and gurus of various types will often advise you to “act as if” in order to manifest your deepest desires. There are all kinds of good reasons to “act as if” and one of them is that doing this draws other people into the game. We all learnt this at an early age: whether your fellow child went into doctor mode or cowboy or superhero or hairdresser/beauty consultant, the invitation and compulsion was there to play a corresponding role… and we carried right on as adults. Just put on a white coat, or a clerical collar, or a high-viz coat or carry a clipboard, or alternatively step out of a limo wearing Versace at the Oscars, and people will start to play along, even if they are not sure of the game yet.

Continue reading Damn it! (Or, alternatively, Bless It!)

If You Borrowed It, Then Give it Back! (In the name of all that is sacred)

Quite often, sometime deep into a session, a client who has come to me with a recurring behaviour or a set of feelings or some other part of their life weighing them down, will turn to me in a moment of bright-eyed discovery and say “Hey! I see now! This does not belong to me!”. It happened recently with someone who had felt burdened by something all his life and then discovered it was not his burden: it had come from one of his parents and he had never thought to set it down.

Continue reading If You Borrowed It, Then Give it Back! (In the name of all that is sacred)

Bespoke Breakthrough Coaching Days

Stop Press!

I get more and more clients being fascinated by the techniques and tools I use and who are hungry to learn more and to have a new toolbox themselves to use in many areas of life.  As a result, I am now offering the chance to spend a full day with me 1-2-1, a bespoke day shaped to whatever you want to learn, to the changes you want to make, to the results you want to get. A totally unlimited and transformational day, with much laughter along the way. Continue reading Bespoke Breakthrough Coaching Days

March For What You Love!

There is a classic thing that happens when a client comes to see a transformational coach or therapist like me. The question is posed to them, “So, tell me, what do you want? What do you really really want?” …and straight away there is an answer that starts with, “Well, I can tell you what I DON’T want. I DON’T want to be working in this dead-end job/living in the suburbs/ drinking six pints of cider every night etc.”

Right now in the US and around the world, marchers and protesters are telling us what they DON’T want (Trump) and back in 2016 the Brexiters also told us what they DIDN’T want (immigration and EU laws).

Continue reading March For What You Love!