From time to time I have clients who have decided to move on from a drug or alcohol habit, or some other self-negating thing. And they often say, “It’s so hard, because when I go around to X’s house(/down the pub), they all still want to do that, but I don’t want to be in that atmosphere anymore.”
Which is a no-brainer. “So don’t be in that atmosphere.”
…Is it disloyal to find pastures new? Is it being a bad friend? No, not unless you believe that you are a better friend to people if you are knowingly harming yourself by maintaining that friendship.
Most people would “get” that in the example of the person moving on from drink or drugs, even if they mourn the passing of the good times with their mate. But what about when you simply realise that you have evolved, that your ideas or feelings, your understanding of the universe or need to express true self is no longer compatible with the crowd that you were hanging with? What about if those people you have loved and shared adventures with have now come to represent the “old” you, and you are feeling hunger to step into the new? What about if the old crowd now feels toxic, just as much as if you were kicking a habit that they had not yet kicked?
“What’s happened to John?”
“Oh, didn’t you hear? He’s gone all weird and got into [Tai Chi/ turtle preservation/ changing gender/ praying for peace etc etc]”
“What a bastard! Doesn’t he remember who his real friends are?”
I’ve quoted before the air stewards/stewardesses who advise you to fit your own oxygen mask before helping others … and this applies in ALL situations. Your mission is to follow your path, to know, love and accept yourself and take the journey that is yours alone, and the minute you knowingly deviate from what is right for you in order to reassure others or be their safety blanket, you are not only self-harming, you are also slowing the healing process for EVERYONE, because your wellbeing is wellbeing for all.
Whatever it is that you have outgrown – job, location, friends, habits – let them go with love, with blessing and with thanks for the part they played in your story, and be sure of three things:
1/This is the biggest gift you can give to all you have known, a catalyst, an example, a truth for them all, and living your truth makes you able to help others in a way you couldn’t otherwise
2/The space you create will soon be filled with the new parts and people who are right for this next part of the journey
3/Sometime, somewhere we will all meet again (there may or may not be blue birds over the white cliffs!) for our destination is the same, and when that happens there will be only understanding and love for the path you have chosen