Have you ever played a game of Monopoly where you lost concentration for a moment while somebody shook the dice and then it was going to be your go (or someone else’s) but then you FELT something in the air and had a double check and found that that other player had landed on your hotel and you managed to scream “Rent!” before anything else could happen?
Or what about that attractive girl in a bar, and a man approaches, and she knows before he has uttered a syllable that she is not interested. Even if he works out and he dresses ok and is perfectly good-looking and all the other boxes the guy might think he ticked. She knows as surely as you and I know we are going to put the phone down on a cold sales call with just the first intake of breath at the other end.
How does she know? How do we know?
Ok, so there’s the guy in the bar – wave “hello” ‘coz he’s a good guy, even though he’s going to luck out with this girl – and he’s spotted her. He was, let’s be honest, already in here hoping to spot somebody cute, and now here she is.
What is happening with the guy? What’s happening with his internal model?
Let’s call him Neville.
So, Neville is running his own very very complex and unique model of reality. These might be some of the huge array of ingredients…
o When he was collecting fresh data in early life, Neville observed his slightly unsure and unconfident father ceding control to a powerful mother. In subsequent data collection he has been particularly successful at catching and storing fragments that support this dynamic.
* Neville has a rich store of selected, edited past data fragments labelled “trying to get lucky with women”, to which he has attached a number of key emotional states, cascading from hope to disappointment. He is an expert at running these tapes in the right order and right moments to replay a particular drama
* From when he first got up this morning Neville has been pre-running movies of the future in the bar where he sees someone he fancies and is slightly freaking out, getting increased heart rate, lack of clear thought etc.at that key moment. This is as well as running the movies of “trying to get lucky with women”
* As soon as he spots the girl in the bar he goes into “submissive” mode, in that he sort of feels as if she is the sun and he a small satellite (so important is her acceptance or rejection of him). This releases a deep feeling which perhaps he calls “love” to himself
* Aware of the “negatives”, Neville has indeed been at the gym, bought some cool threads and got his lovely stylist Cindy to give him dream hair. He even smells nice.
* Neville has added an inner dialogue over all of this, so that voices prophesying his sticky end in this pick-up move are being set against voices insisting that he is good enough, that he has nothing to lose, that tonight might indeed be “the night” and so forth
So there he is… he has ALL this inner drama going on, and much much more, from even before he takes the first step across the room to (let’s call her) Gemma…
[ALERT ALERT ALERT…IMPORTANT INFORMATION INCOMING…]
…and Gemma KNOWS he has all this going on, because he is broadcasting it. He is broadcasting it in minutiaie of body language and facial expression, but most importantly he is broadcasting it in electro-magnetic waves, in his personal vibrations.
There it is, the hook. Vibrations in the energy soup. The way people are playing their collection of tuning forks and interacting with the larger vibrations of existence that form the universe.
And Gemma senses him with peripheral vision (something she perfected as a baby before she could focus) and scoops up his vibes and knows already that all that internal drama, those memory files, the presuppositions, the world that Neville occupies, is not something that she wants to shag, date or marry, not because there is anything “wrong” with any of Neville’s programs and files, simply because they do not tick the boxes in hers.
A few bland lines of conversation are exchanged and the meeting is over. Both sides have confirmed their own models of existence. Yes, their models were compatible, they both knew the role the other was taking in the game so the hook worked, and they have become even more set in those roles.
Neville got the result he set his internal drama to capture. He is a 100% successful player of this game. Let’s face it Nev, mate, you always knew she was “out of your league”, says one of the voices
Now by strange coincidence, a few weeks later Neville is down the launderette doing his work clothes and dressed in a shabby tracksuit and feeling depressed, sending out a slightly different and much more muted version of his inner drama, and he happens to bump into Lola, another girl who has an internal universe in which she finds her buttons are pressed agreeably and her own demons are seemingly put at bay by having a man she can bully in a small way. And she notices his handsome jawline and intelligent, sensitive eyes and they get chatting and a year later they are married.
I wonder, do we congratulate Neville or not? What do you reckon?
[An edited excerpt from my forthcoming book “Your Life Does Not Exist”]